When I was in Australia in 2011, I was immersed in the language of love and spirituality for three months. In a short period of time, my spiritual consciousness was raised dramatically. While my spiritual centre healed and evolved, my ego suffered and kept losing power. As I learned to let go of my obsession with the past and the future and embrace the present moment, my ego fought to keep me projecting my energy elsewhere. As I learned to replace thoughts and emotions of anger, hatred and disharmony with love, my ego fought to keep my negative energies alive. The ego is the counter force to higher vibrations of love; as we evolve in the love realm, our ego gets scared and fights to survive.
After two months at Gwinganna’s health and wellness retreat and two weeks in Yoga Teacher’s Training, one would think that I would have been floating at a vibration of enlightenment and that I would be ready to conquer the universe from every angle. However, the truth is that I spent my last week in Australia bed-ridden with what felt like serious depression. It was an anticlimactic way to spend the last days of my holiday—trust me when I say I was a little bit more than disappointed. Thankfully, one quick call from my #1 spiritual guru, Randy Zonnis in Metchosin, British Columbia, and I understood just what was going on in my body and mind: my ego was FREAKING out.
I was about to return to Canada glowing internally and externally. I had accomplished so many of my personal goals! I had cleansed my body, earned my yoga teacher’s certificate, let go of a lot of pain and fear that I was holding onto from my past and had also made SO MANY incredible friendships with amazing Australians! Randy explained to me that I was coming into my true power—I was becoming the spirit that my inner-self had wanted me to embody for quite some time. I was face to face with a new beginning but my ego was not going to give up without a fight.
I spent my last week in Australia house-sitting for family friends and I was over-joyed to implement my new spiritual routine. I planned to do yoga, qi gong, hike and run as well as meditate, chant and practice my ability to remain in silence for long periods of time. Unfortunately, I adhered to very little of my plan. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from yoga teacher’s training, and my ego took it as a perfect opportunity to stick a knife in my spiritual back.
I began to doubt myself and my commitment to my practice.“You weren’t really willing to go through with this spiritual stuff,” my ego repeated to me as each day progressed and I continued to fall short of my short-term goals. You see, our ego is well entrained in its pattern—it is not willing to give up its power or role easily. When I gave my “mind-made self” the opportunity to question my dedication to my spiritual practice, it was there with a reminder saying, “See you really didn’t forget me! Chanting is for weirdoes, exercise ain’t necessary!”
As soon as I recognized that this wasn’t really depression that I was experiencing, rather it was a last ditch effort by my ego, I was able to sit with the feelings of fear, forgive myself for not being perfect, send myself compassion and transcend the problem. This past week I have found it very difficult to stick with my yoga routine, to complete my daily blogs and to regularly practice my breathing and meditation exercises. Well guess what folks, I am in another momentous period of transition where a new beginning is certainly on the horizon! If any of you are in the same position, say it with me, "I'm taking my power back, EGO!"
I gave Randy a call this morning and he shed more beautiful perspective onto my spiritual journey. “It’s not a one-time event!” he said. “The path to enlightenment isn’t like going to the doctor, getting a prescription and watching the symptoms go away! It’s a practice and a lifestyle, NOT an event.” This concept is what I want you to take away from my blog today. It takes a lot of courage, dedication and willingness to adhere to a spiritual practice; and, in the moments when we are so close to turning over a new leaf our ego will fight the hardest to stop us from moving forward. Whether you figure it out the first time or fail several times, we are all practicing and will do so so long as we recognize progression. Randy says to me, "Are you healthier than you were a year ago?" If the answer is yes, your practice whether big or small, is worth it!
You will see beautiful and amazing transformations in your life as long as you are willing to listen and learn from all the spiritual energies around you. You may get distracted, you won’t be perfect and sometimes you will have to jump back on the wagon tomorrow instead of today. If you are experiencing a stagnant period, it is in this moment where I want you to choose to leap towards the new beginning, continue to take power away from your ego and place that power into the arms of love.
In Dr. David R. Hawkins’ book Power vs. Force, based on his work in non-linear physics, applied kinesiology and the quantum world at the time, Hawkins asserted that there were only 11 or 12 people on the planet that were vibrating all the time at the level ofenlightenment. So, there is a 12 out of 7 billion chance that any of us will come from the vibration of love and unconditional love all the time. Hey, it could be you, but if not, be gentle on yourself and continue practicing!
Are there moments when you are discouraged because you are unable to maintain perfection? Can you choose to forgive yourself and send yourself love and healing rather than judgement? Are you ready to turn over a new leaf and recognize that it is okay if your ego is afraid for you to moving forward? Will you choose to view the spiritual path as a practice rather than an event? Enjoy your week, practice forgiveness and compassion towards yourself and check out a small bio on my #1 mentor Randy! http://www.redgatehealingstudio.com/#!randy-zonnis
LOVE & LIGHT,